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The Magic Bullet
Dee Blue waves
brit_columbia
I was restlessly watching TV last night, which is something I very rarely do. I watched about 15 minutes of that old infomercial about the Magic Bullet blender-thing. I'm wise to all their tricks of course. Sure, you can create a delicious pasta sauce in seconds so dinner is ready in six seconds! But who stood over the pasta while it cooked and made sure it didn't boil over? How many seconds did that take? And honestly, I can make quesadillas just as fast with a bag of pre-shredded cheese. Who needs to go to all the trouble of grating a chunk of parmesan? I bet it takes forever to wash all those blades and containers, too. I switched the TV off when they got to the part about the juicing attachment because I could feel that the seduction was working. I've always been a sucker for infomercials.

So now I want a Magic Bullet food processor, but I don't know if I actually need one.

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I know. I KNOW they're working on my mind, but I always end up getting interested in the damn product!

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Re: I could only think of this...

Erin, this is hilarious. I can't believe someone made a rap song of this hyper guy shilling his product. I think the Magic Bullet is vastly superior to this low-budget slap-chopper thing, by the way. I bet the damn thing would lie down and die after less than a week in MY kitchen.

I'm always willing to love nuts, especially if they're roasted, salted, covered in chocolate, or located south of a really nice six pack with an impressive piece of hardware over top!

Dude, the magic bullet is also an actual bullet. As in, hanging on the walls of sex shoppes right this moment. :P

Unfortunately, I want one as well.

<3

What? There's a sex toy called the Magic Bullet? Jeez, the things one misses due to being long-term married and always at work or the gym. Hmm, in the case of these two companies, I wonder who is suing whom for stealing the name?

LOL. I'm glad I'm not the only one who thought this as well.

I swear, every time I see this come on, my thoughts drift to "This does NOT sound 'safe, sane, and consensual!' o___o" Not near my bits, anyway.


Don't do it, Brit. Unless you can get one for .99.

YOU. MUST. RESIST. THE. MAGIC. BULLET!

Besides, anything with bullet in the name sucks.


Believe it or not, I've been resisting this particular gadget for years. After all, I've already got a blender and a food processor, not to mention seven cutting boards and about 25 knives! So I really don't need one. Every time I feel I'm about to capitulate and buy one, I fce myself to think about how irritating it's going to be to clean all the blades.

And I bed to differ that anything with bullet in the name sucks! Gadgets maybe, but not this:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c7WbrGf-cqM

Do NOT get this product! Oh my God, I cannot tell you how many times I have seen strong individuals, much like yourself, fall for these infomercials. It's alright, no one blames you for wanting to give into the seductive qualities of the merchandise the television is trying to push onto you. I am here as a voice of experienced wisdom to tell you to RESIST!

One of my dearest friends fell for the glory that was the Magic Bullet, and the Slap Chop thing, and a few other "time saving" kitchen devises. Let me tell you right now, the story I have is not for the faint at heart.

On the day her orders from the Home Shopping Network arrived, my friend was overjoyed with the wonder that it new stuff. She hastily unwrapped the boxes, reverently pulled their wares out and placed them upon her kitchen counter with dramatic flare.

Wanting to test out the new equipment, she pulled out vegetables and cheeses of all makes and sizes; the likes of which she had seen used in the infomercial. She proceeded to wash the new hand-held appliances (her mother having drilled into her mind that one must never use something straight from the package, especially if it is to be used to prepare your food).

After she had washed her newly acquired cooking aids, she set to work making a seemingly simple red sauce for spaghetti. What ensued was nothing short of a horrific blood bath. Tomatoes smashed beyond pulpy recognition, onions mashed into a soggy mass, and mushrooms completely obliterated.

The chef quality knives were unable to cut through the softest of objects, resulting in the ruin of even more tomatoes. The slow cooked hamburger (that was to be added to the sauce last) was liquefied in the Magic Bullet; made into a deliciously seasoned hamburger smoothy.

Dinner ruined, hopes shattered, and kitchen thoroughly defiled. She stared in disbelief at the mess made by the "time saving" appliances and was further insensed when she had to go through with cleaning all of the little nooks and crannies in the items (four or five blades doesn't seem like much, until you have to carefully clean them one by one, lest you lose a piece of your finger).

My friend was left with only one consolation: she got the refrigerator storage container free with her purchase of the Magic Bullet.

So, I beg of you, do not fall for the trickery of the television sales men. They are sly and powerful, and their ways are sinister. Beware....

On a lighter note, that tupperware is still excellent. She keeps all sorts of left overs in it. ^^

Wow... Okay, you have, most powerfully and eloquently, might I add, reversed the seduction power of the Magic Bullet. If it wanders back into my mind, I'll remember pulpy tomatoes and hamburger smoothie!

lol I figured writing all of that out wouldn't be a waste of time. :D Yes, always keep in mind the poor tomatoes and ruined meat (and it was sooo good before the damn Bullet got a hold of it T^T).

A good set of knives and a bit of care and consideration will well outweigh the glamorous magic that is the infomercial scam.

Though even I can be intrigued by its products.

Especially if I was already tired, and as long as it isn't a food preparation device. (Those educational secret methods to do "Large math problems quick and accurately!" or speedreading or languages or whatever it is just have me staring glassy-eyed every time)

I firmly believe food-prep should be done with merely a knife, or at most, a good blender/mixer, and some arm power.
I even held to that when my electric blender died its ancient death (it was my mothers) and I was left staring at a sugary-buttery batter for cinnamon cookies that I then had to whip by hand.

Much easier cleanup though. Still tasted good.

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