brit_columbia

I have acquired a new hat. It's one of those big-brimmed dramatic, impractical ones that makes everyone stare at you. I used to have a lot of hats fitting that description, but I got rid of them along with the hatboxes one stores such things in because I live in a windy city and I'm always riding a bike, and I got older and there just seemed to be fewer weddings amongst my circle of friends to wear them to. For the last couple of years I have been trying to simplify my life and get rid of stuff, but more stuff keeps finding its way toward my living environment. I attribute this mostly to the fact that I married a pack rat who has no idea that he's a pack rat. Anyway, back to the acquisition of my hat. Here's how it happened.

I was standing in an outdoor country market with my father, and there was a stall there displaying hats and other accessories. Like a fool, I picked up The Hat and tried it on. Almost immediately three women, all unconnected to each other, stopped mid-stroll and exclaimed in delight. The actual hat seller scurried back from the coffee area to add her approbation to theirs. She pointed out that it was a perfect match for my outfit, which it was. That's probably why I committed the initial folly of picking it up.

"You MUST buy that hat!" They all said. It was $30 bucks, which wasn't too bad, but I didn't know how I was going to fit the hat into my new pared-down lifestyle, so I told them it wasn't me. They disagreed vigourously. I expressed regret that I had spent all my money on fresh basil and Swiss chard; the hat seller announced she accepted Visa. Just then my father offered to buy it for me. I was outnumbered and outmaneuvered. Therefore I have a new hat.

I don't want to sound ungrateful. Of course I'm very happy that my father bought me a beautiful hat. But one has to be in a certain kind of mood to wear such a thing. For example, after the market, we went to a restaurant and as soon as I stepped onto the patio to find a table, every single person stopped eating and stared at me. It was a bit unnerving. It certainly wouldn't have happened if I had been bareheaded. It seems everyone likes to see a woman wearing a fancy hat, but very few women actually want to be the person wearing one. It's not hard to see why.

Another disadvantage of wearing a big, swoop-brimmed hat, is that because people are surreptitiously watching, it's much more difficult to make that fifth trip to the buffet table. There is a subtle expectation of more ladylike or feminine behaviour from the wearer of such a hat, which really puts a damper on any inclinations to pig out or lick barbeque sauce off one's fingers. It has occurred to me that I might lose a pound or two, simply by dint of wearing this hat.

So, I will probably wear the hat. Even my non-romantic husband was moved to give me a compliment on it. Obviously it was meant to be. When I wear it, it lends me a certain glamour that I normally lack. Perhaps the universe has a plan for me in which I will require a little more dazzling allure than I am usually able to exhibit.

If that's the case, I hope God will send me the lifestyle to fit the hat!