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Driven, chapter 2

Chapter two


Brit Columbia

Fandom: Fake

Pairing: Berkeley/Diana

Rating: Worksafe.

Timing: Set in August in the first year of the FFYT series. That means it happened before Slave to A Gladiator.

Summary: Berkeley pisses Diana off and she decides to teach him a lesson.

Spoilers: Volume 7 of Sanami Matoh's Fake series

Disclaimer: All of these characters belong to Sanami Matoh. I make no money for writing fanfiction about them.

Author's notes: This is a fic for lunasariel. I hope you're not bogged down with homework this weekend!


Chapter two

Berkeley's Cadillac hurtled toward the stop sign waiting at the end of the block, but Diana did not appear to be planning to stop for it. Berkeley could feel the excellent dinner he had eaten earlier trying to climb back up his throat.

"Diana, pull over! Diana!"

Diana's only response was to punch the radio and crank it up. It was still set on WKTU from when she had fiddled with it on the way to the restaurant. Dance music filled the car, and Berkeley's protests were effectively drowned out.

Berkeley immediately reached out a hand to turn it off, but before his finger was able to connect with the button, Diana gave the steering wheel a vicious crank, and suddenly the car was spinning madly all over the street, the brakes screaming as Diana laid rubber in tight circles on the blacktop. A silver blur shooting across his field of vision told him they had narrowly missed hitting an oncoming vehicle, although at the speed they were moving, he couldn't identify its type or even its size.

His heart in his mouth, Berkeley braced one hand against the dash and thanked his lucky stars that he had managed to click his seatbelt into place seconds before they had spun out. They lurched to a stop a scant foot from a telephone pole. Jesus Lord, that could have been ugly.

"Whoops, wrong way!" squealed Diana, and then laughed before throwing it into reverse. The woman was crazy!

"Diana! Stop the car right now!" Berkeley shouted, every muscle in his body taut with fear. They were roaring back the way they had come, going at top speed, but in reverse.

"Aw come on, Berkie, where's your sense of fun?" Diana didn't even glance his way, as her eyes were glued to the rear view mirror.

Berkeley looked over his shoulder and saw that despite the fact that Diana was doing at least sixty, she was somehow keeping the car straddling the center line. Headlights veered away from them and horns honked madly. Berkeley saw the alarmed and horrified expressions on the faces of more than one driver as the car shot past them. What the hell was she doing? Was she suicidal all of a sudden? Did she not care about her career, or his? What about the publicity?

"STOP!" he roared at the top of his lungs, and to his great surprise, the madwoman beside him slammed on the brakes. The momentum jerked Berkeley's body against his seat belt with such force that he was sure he had just sustained a bruise to his sternum. However, a bruise to his sternum was still vastly preferable to the broken bones and internal injuries that he would undoubtedly be left with should this situation go on any longer. A screeching sound caused him to glance over his shoulder, and what he saw caused his blood to freeze in his veins. A delivery truck was skidding toward them, and although the driver was clearly standing on the brakes, it was apparent that he wouldn't be able to stop in time. Berkely braced himself for impact.

"Cowabunga!" yelled Diana and the car leapt forward just in time. Almost as suddenly, she slammed on the brakes again and laughed as the delivery truck shuddered to a stop behind them. Berkely's stunned brain dimly registered that it was an ice truck.

Berkeley stared at Diana in horror, temporarily bereft of speech. She glanced back at him just once, the happy grin on her face very much at odds with the rage in her eyes, and with a sinking feeling, Berkeley understood exactly why she was doing this. He had been a fool to think she wouldn't notice. She was nothing like the other women and men that he regularly dated, and it had been unwise of him to think he could put one over on her back at the restaurant.

The truck driver behind them booted open his door and jumped down from the cab, cursing roundly. As he strode toward them with a crowbar in his hands, Diana revved the Caddy's engine a couple of times, and then drove away from him, although she seemed not to be able to resist sticking her left hand out of the window and giving the guy the finger. 

Berkeley let out a sigh of relief, and not merely for the fact that she seemed to have returned to her senses and now seemed inclined to drive the speed limit. He had also been afraid that she would relish the opportunity to use her Judo skills on the truck driver, since she couldn't very well take out her frustrations on the Commissioner of the NYPD. At least not with Judo, although her insane driving had almost given him a heart attack this evening. Right now he just wanted her to leave this area before the police showed up.

He counted to ten before he spoke. "Dee-Dee," he said, in what he hoped was a smooth and relaxed tone, "You've had your fun AND taught me a lesson. Are you satisfied?"

"Satisfied?" she repeated. "Oh you mean like you were when you came out of the men's room, sweetie?" The car began to accelerate.

"Now, my dear, I do regret that, and I hope you understand..." Berkeley's voice trailed away as the fear began to rise in him again.

"Berkie, I understand perfectly how you see the situation. You're a lovable rascal who can't keep his dick in his pants and just can't say no to a come-hither glance. Right?" She turned her face toward him again, her expression one of unholy glee. Without looking at the road she accelerated dramatically.

Berkely couldn't help but be aware that they were drifting out of their lane. Sweat sprang out on his forehead. "Diana, I'm begging you..."

She laughed out loud and to his intense relief, returned her eyes to the road. Then he was clutching the brace-handle on his door as, without any warning whatsoever, Diana executed a sweeping U-turn, nearly taking out a blue Hyundai. For the second time that evening, Berkely felt the wheels on his side of the car leave the road. He fought the urge to snatch the keys out of the ignition. At this speed, it would be high folly. Diana probably wouldn't be able to retain control of the car, and they would crash and die for a certainty.

They thundered back the way they had come, and when Diana crossed the yellow line and drove straight at the ice truck that had almost hit them before, Berkeley shut his eyes tightly and focused all his attention on remaining the master of his own bowels.

--end of Chapter 2--

Additional Author's Notes: Just so we're clear, I do not endorse crazy driving as a way to teach errant loved ones a lesson, no matter how upset a person might be. Diana Spacey has a number of professional skills, and driving is one of them. Anyone who has not been professionally trained by the FBI should never attempt to drive like this!



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BZZT breaker breaker, Detectives McLean and Latener, we have a crazy woman swerving a Caddy on your block, we're gonna need you to take a look at that. Going by eyewitness descriptions, the driver is a woman, cleavage down to there, makeup visible from one block away, and according to an ice truck driver, an excellent manicure. Man in passenger seat looks piss-pant terrified. Good hunting.

Dee would love to pull Diana over so that he could threaten to write her a huge ticket. (He wouldn't actually DO it, though because he believes that cops should cut other cops breaks with driving infractions) He would also enjoy smirking over the Commissioner's limp, quivering pallor.

I LOL'd at your mention of the manicure. The ice truck driver only saw one finger, but it must have made quite an impression on him!

I almost feel sorry for Berkeley.


Since she's not going to let him make it up to her by several hours worth of cunnilingus, (at least not tonight), I'd say he owes her a really expensive 'Forgive Me?' present. And I'm not talking about flowers, either.

This is the funniest thing you've written in a long time, brit, and I hope poor Berkeley knows a good detailer because I think his car seats gonna need some cleaning soon.

Thanks for commenting, I'm glad you enjoyed this chapter.

You're right about the present, although poor Berk's a little too knotted up with terror to start thinking about it now. It's going to be shockingly expensive, though!

"Whoops, wrong way!" squealed Diana, and then laughed before throwing it into reverse. The woman was crazy!

"Diana! Stop the car right now!" Berkeley shouted, every muscle in his body taut with fear. They were roaring back the way they had come, going at top speed, but in reverse.

LOLOL! I can so see Diana doing this to torture ol Berkeley. Serves him right. I can't wait to find out what happens next.

Thanks Brit!

Yes, serves him right! His evening has definitely taken a turn for the worse.

Queen Lurker loves Diana!

Oh, too funny! I'm really enjoying this side story. Love your descriptions here- I can see exactly what's going on and I'm not bogged down in detail. This piece has a lot of momentum- the writing is reminiscent of the scene in Justice where Bikky gets set up with drugs- only this momentum is hilarious. (hope that makes some sense; the sense of speed just reminded me of that scene) It's gotta be fun taking a break from the heavy plot of Justice and writing fun stuff like this!


Re: Queen Lurker loves Diana!

Hi QL! Thanks for remarking on the momentum. Action scenes are easy to screw up, and I think one of the most common ways of screwing them up is by conscientiously providing too much detail. That is something that attacks the flow.

You're right that I needed a break from Justice. Justice requires a lot more of my concentration and attention than this one does. Same with the little Drake/JJ story I'm doing. They're easy and fun and only around a thousand words each.

Not bogged down with homework at the moment, but with Plague! Ugh. XP

Half of me wants to go "HELL YEAH, DIANA! Put the fear of God...I mean, the fear of *you* into the two-timing bastard!" The other half (a much smaller half) is gripping the seat and trying not to scream like a little girl right along with Berkeley.

Also, I loved the last line: Berkeley shut his eyes tightly and focused all his attention on remaining the master of his own bowels. Possibly because the five-year-old in me thinks the idea of the Comissioner of the NYPD pooping himself is funny as hell, but partially the phrasing of it just makes me lol!

So I take it LJ has started working again for you? Or is it still buggy?

LJ is STILL buggy! Every time I go in to make an edit, my LJ cut shrinks itself down dramatically so that the only thing left inside it is the title of the story. It's also not saving all my changes, just some of them. I really resent those LJ tech people for foisting this disaster upon us. They were unprepared, and now they refuse to restore the situation to the way it was while they work the bugs out. And not just a few bugs, many bugs. I feel like we're all unwillingly participating in a test-beta. Or maybe all the LJ tech people are secretly in the employ of the Russian government, and this is just another way of taking LJ down that doesn't involve DOS attacks.

But anyway, enough bitching! I'm sorry to hear you've got the plague! Good thing it's the 21st century, eh? No one will nail boards across your dorm room door and window.

I agree that the thought of Berk having an accident in his pants brings a VERY funny mental picture. But it's not going to happen, because if he pooped himself as a result of Diana's revenge, he would never forgive her.

So glad you liked this chapter!

Poor Berkley he should of known he couldn't pull a fast one on her and get a way with it. It seems he forgot the old saying Hell has no fury like a woman scorn and that she would teach him a lesson her way.

Well, you can bet that after this evening, Berk will never underestimate Diana again!

He's normally pretty full of himself, but not right now, it seems...

No, right now he's probably full of some expensive food that's trying to escape one way or the other 8D

Though if I was him (well, I wouldn't get into a stupid situation like that, but let's assume I'm bleach-haired too) I would be just as afraid she'd total my expensive car than kill me.
Am I the only one?

No, I'm sure you aren't! How men do love their cars.

And I so love this: No, right now he's probably full of some expensive food that's trying to escape one way or the other

*poutyface*But I'm not a guy! And I love my sporty awesome car...

I'll leave you with the words of the Cat:
"Uuugh, I think I'm going to have to go do something secret."
*stands up, clutching his stomach* "Lookout! Food escape!" *rushes/staggers out the door*

I LOVE the words of the Cat! So funny.

*+1 to fangirl moment, as she quotes from memory*


Never seen Red Dwarf then?

"You can't have my shiny thing! I found it, it's my shiny thing!"
"What are you driveling about?"
"This!" *pulls out yoyo* "is my shiny thing! And if you try to take it off me I may have to eat you!"
"It's a yoyo you modo."
"It does two amazing things! One- you have the string in one hand, and the shiny thing down here, or! (And this is the clever bit!) You have the shiny thing up here, and the string down here where the shiny thing used to be!" *laughs*
*laughs along fakely, sarcastically asks* "You haven't the slightest clue what it's for, do you?"
"Why sure I do, grease-stain! You hold the shiny thing in one hand, and go - wah! the string! the string is moving! Hey! Catch that striiiing!"

<3 (Go watch it sometime 8D)

Re: *+1 to fangirl moment, as she quotes from memory*

Okay, I found the youtube clip. But my favorite one was where the Cat justified his existence to the Inquisitor by saying he had given pleasure to the world because he had such a beautiful ass!

*+2 to fangirl moment, as she quotes (mostly) from memory*

'Can I go now?'
'That's your case?'
'You want more?'
'Some might say that's a pretty shallow argument.'
'Some might say I'm a pretty shallow guy, but a shallow guy with a great ass!'
'That's true! Man, you surprise even me!'
'Thank you' *cheesy grin*

Personally, I'm a giant R/L fan, so my favorite scenes are those little gooey/hilarious slashy moments.
Like in Future Echoes, right after 'Where do we get two babies without a woman on board?' *both* the Cat and Lister look at Rimmer's *ahem* lower half, and then his face.
(And I can still hear Danny's cast commentary 'That was risqué stuff right there!')
And, of course, I adore the Blue Kiss (Though I giggle over Chris's 'Hang on I just realized I described my kiss with Craig as 'good', I mean, not *that* good! It was, it was fine.' a whole lot more. 8D And Ed Bye you are a fangirl after our own hearts ohmnyesss)

Aaaanyway, I clearly could go on and on and on and on about my first fandom, but I'll just point out that It's HILARIOUS and slashy and really should be given a watch, and leave you to it.

this is good thanks for the update

Thanks for reading and commenting.

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