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Birthday Stitches
black shirt, Giane
Happy Birthday,  twiyah!

I know it's not your birthday in Finland anymore, but it's still your birthday here on Canada's west coast for a little bit less than two hours. Here's a fic I wrote for you that features an awesome doctor.

Birthday Stitches

by Brit Columbia

Fandom: FAKE
Pairing: Dee/Ryo
Rating: Totally worksafe. You can read this with children in the room.
Timing: Set on December 11th of Dee and Ryo's second year together.
Summary: Dee is in hospital getting stitches and being difficult, as usual.
Disclaimer: I make no claim on Sanami Matoh's creation of FAKE and its characters; nor do I make any money from writing fanfiction about them.
Author's notes: This story was written as a birthday fic for twiyah. Best wishes for a happy birthday over there in Finland. Thanks for reading my stories all these years. Doctors twiyah and mtemplar_fic feel free to let me know if I goofed anything up. I watched a youtube video on suturing so that I could get a sense of what the doctor was doing, but that was pretty much my only research. Also, no one beta-read this, so if any grammarians notice any mistakes, please point them out to me and I'll fix them! Right now I have to go to bed.

Birthday Stitches

"Dee, of course she washed her hands. Don't be rude to the doctor."

"Dude, I am not. I'm just being direct. Is it wrong to ask questions?"

Ryo shot the doctor an apologetic look. "Sorry about him. He doesn't do well in hospitals."

"Damn right I don't! Hospitals are goddamn virus-factories! You go into one with some small health problem, and next thing you know you've got full-on tuberculosis or-- or ebola! Or they sedate you and then you wake up to find that they amputated your leg or some-- Ow!" Dee glared at Ryo. "Bro, don't go prodding the bruises."

"Detective Laytner," said the doctor patiently. "No one is going to amputate your leg. In fact, I can't even, in good conscience, sedate you, much as I would like to. Now, if you can just manage to stay still, I'll finish sterilizing your cut and then I'll close it with some stitches." She swabbed away at his arm and then added, "I've never seen a wound with frosting in it before. What happened?"

"It was a birthday party gone wrong," said Dee grimly.

"But don't worry, the perpetrator is not at large. We have him in custody," said Ryo.

"I don't understand," said the doctor. "Did one of your friends do this?"

"No, it was the ex-boyfriend of the chick who was cutting the cake. He wasn't invited but he crashed the party." Dee clenched his other fist, looking pissed off at the memory.

"I guess it was lucky he didn't crash the party with a gun," remarked the doctor. "It seems to me that rather a lot of you Americans carry guns."

"Yeah, what of it?" snapped Dee. "You got something against guns? Guns save lives."

"Not when the bad guys have them," Ryo reminded him. "Don't start that ridiculous argument again, Dee."

"OW!" exclaimed Dee suddenly and then glared at the doctor with resentment. "Warn a guy before you go jabbing needles into him!"

"I apologize, Detective. I didn't think the local would hurt so much."

"Don't apologize," said Ryo quickly. "He's just a big baby, that's all."

"Ryo, you are one heartless bastard."

"Detective Laytner, please hold still. I need to start closing the wound now, but when that's done, we can see about discharging you, if you like. I don't think we'll need to keep you for observation."

"What-- really? You're not shitting me, are you? You're gonna let me outta here?" Hope flared in Dee's eyes, but he still sounded cautious.

"I don't see why not, unless you get agitated, or have a reaction to the local anesthetic."

"That means 'Calm down', Dee," Ryo said. "Try to stop complaining for five minutes."

"Complaining?! Dude, I got stabbed in the arm! By a really sharp knife!"

"Yes, but it's not the hospital staff's fault, now, is it? They're just trying to help you." Ryo reached out and squeezed Dee's free hand. "And... at least it was only your arm."

"Only my arm?" Dee seemed to think he had to keep protesting, although the look on his face had changed the moment Ryo had taken his hand.

"Better your arm than your heart. Or your liver, or eye, or something."

"Or your voicebox," murmured the doctor, plying her needle and suture scissors. "That would be tragic."

For the first time, Dee cracked a grin at her. "You bet it would, Doc. My voice is a big part of my charm." He entwined his fingers with Ryo's so tightly that Ryo could not withdraw his hand. "Right, partner?"

"Oh, huge," said Ryo. "No one would disagree. Except maybe the guy with the knife. I think you maybe overdid the charm with him."

"Oh, look who's the funny guy now," grumbled Dee, although his eyes were bright and alert, and promising retaliation. "Go ahead, make fun of my injury if it makes you happy. Hey Doc, am I gonna get some time off work for this?"

"Yes," she said. "At least four days."

"And no paperwork, right? I mean, I don't think I should try to write or type with this arm, right?"

Ryo snorted to himself. Dee's injury was to his right arm, but his partner was actually a southpaw.

"No, not for a few days. You should rest it and allow it to heal. "The doctor put another suture in place.

"Thanks, Doc." Dee's eyes sparked triumph at Ryo. "I guess my partner here will be more than willing to take up the slack."

"Slack! What slack? Which of us usually gets stuck with the paperwork while the other person is busy 'slacking'?" Ryo rolled his eyes.

"Dude, you act like I never do paperwork, when, in fact, you make me do it all the time!"

"Detective Laytner," said the doctor mildly. "Would you mind not waving your arm around while I'm trying to stitch it?"

"Sorry, Doc. Ryo, look what you made me do."

"Dee." Ryo gazed sternly at Dee and made a concerted effort to disengage his hand from his partner's. It didn't work because Dee hung on determinedly and even employed his ultimate weapon-- puppy-dog eyes.

The doctor kept her eyes on her work. She looked as though she were trying not to smile. After she finished her neat row of sutures, she put a bandage on Dee's arm, and took out her notepad. She scribbled out a prescription as well as a note for Dee to take to work. "There you are," she said. "Don't go in to work for four days."

"Could you make it five?" Dee asked. "Tomorrow is the first day of my work week."

Ryo clucked disapprovingly at him, while the doctor shook her head. "No, I think four is more than sufficient. Now remember not to use that arm too much."

"That means no video games, Dee," said Ryo. "And no driving."

"Dude, I swear you're enjoying this."

Ryo ignored him. "Is there anything else he should or shouldn't do, Doctor?" he asked.

"Yes, he should avoid alcohol because it could interact negatively with the medication." She paused and then looked gravely from one man to the other. "And I would recommend that he go to bed early."

"Hear that, Ryo?"

"Yes, Dee." Ryo shifted uncomfortably in his chair, hoping Dee wasn't about to say anything outrageous.

"She said I should go to bed. Early. Sounds like an awesome plan to me."

Ryo, whose face was going pinker by the second, glowered at Dee. "Sure, no problem. I'll drop you off at your place and you can go to bed as early as you like."

"Now wait a minute!" Dee turned to the doctor in appeal. "What if I have a reaction to the medication? What if I belatedly... go into shock or something? I shouldn't be alone tonight, should I, Doc?"

Ryo could not help noticing that it was now the doctor who was getting the full effect of Dee's patented puppy dog eyes. He could almost write the script for what was going to happen next.

She looked at Dee thoughtfully and then turned to Ryo. "Detective MacLean, I'm afraid he does have a point. Sometimes, after a violent incident like this, there can be a reaction, especially if a foreign agent like a medication has been introduced... I think I would feel more comfortable knowing I'm releasing him into the care of someone responsible... just overnight."

Ryo bowed his head briefly. "I understand, Doctor. Don't worry, he can stay with me. I'll take care of him." Ryo thought as he said this that if Dee was stupid enough to laugh, or, God forbid, let out a crow of triumph, he'd take care of him, all right. However, he didn't hear a thing. When he looked up he could have sworn that Dee and the doctor had just finished exchanging a significant glance, although he couldn't be sure.

"So, am I released, then?" Dee asked the doctor.

"Yes. I'll direct the nurses at the station down the hall to prepare the paperwork. You can sign off there in about ten minutes." She stood up to go.

"Doc, wait."  Dee reached out with his injured right arm. "I wanna shake your hand."

The doctor hesitated, and then offered him her hand.

"Thanks for being such a great doctor," Dee said. "I know I'm nobody's favorite patient, but you made this whole experience a whole lot better than it could have been. Best of the season to ya!"

"And you too, Detective." That little smile was back on her lips again. "Try to go on being a good patient for the next few hours at least." Her eyes darted toward Ryo, who was still subtly trying to extricate his trapped fingers from Dee's death grip.

"Aw, don't worry about that," scoffed Dee. "My partner seems like a real sweetheart-pushover type, but he's way more of a hardass than you could ever imagine. He'll keep me in b-- er, in line."

After the doctor left the room, Dee tossed a smirk at Ryo. "Before you say or do anything hardass, babe, let me just remind you that I am an injured man. And I have been trusted to your care."

"So?" Ryo narrowed his eyes.

"So... take care of me," whispered Dee, pulling him down for a kiss.

~end of Birthday Stitches~

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That was so cute and funny! I loved it!

Thanks for letting me know!

Very cute. I could wax poetic on sutures, but I'll spare you from that. *grin*

I just bet you could! I still remember your 'running subcuticular stitch', which I used as a search term to find the video. I thought if I left the depth and precise location of the cut vague enough, I probably wouldn't get myself into trouble with the doctors...

Lol, and I could go on about quotations and commas and figures of speech, but having used a colloquialism in my header, I hardly feel entitled to nitpick. ;D

Well, I don't think you should feel bad about colloquialisms. There's formal writing and then there's dialogue, for which the rules are completely different, and LJ comments count as dialogue in my book!

But I'm glad it got a "D'Awwwww" out of you!

"You got something against guns? Guns save lives."

"Not when the bad guys have them," Ryo reminded him. "Don't start that ridiculous argument again, Dee."

Safe for children, but not libertarians! (Quickly runs to comfort and cuddle gun collection, remembers I couldn't afford it and don't own one yet) Politics of a liberal yankee detective aside, I savored this like sweet cupcake frosting. Over-smexed as the boys can be in fandom, it's nice to read something like once in a while that's just more comedy and the occasional light innuendo. That was the bulk of the original mangas, after all, and I've always respected Matoh for restraining herself from the more typical yaoi-overload of skin and angst. Thanks for the birthday treat!

Well, the interesting thing about the above-quoted exchange between Dee and Ryo is that despite Ryo's disapproving tone, of the two of them, his interest in guns is way stronger and he's the one with the secret collection, as per my story "Look At Me", in which Dee guessed Ryo's secrets in exchange for kisses. Ryo's collection has been kept safely under lock and key in his Uncle Rick's care ever since Bikky came to live with him. Dee's just the one who gets in trouble for blowing the department's ammunition budget.

If you want a gun collection, then I hope you can someday get one.

Thanks for liking this story. It WAS rather cupcakey. Recently I had mocha buttercream frosting cupcakes with my girlfriend, and I ate all her extra frosting! That's probably how this story got conceived.

Very Sweet!

Dee is such a rotten patient....He can get in any ass-kicking fight, but freaks out over stitches!! How in character :).

When I'm not reading yaoi, my Nurse-job is on the IV team. Yup, I stab people with needles for a living...IV's, Midlines, PICC lines. From babies to 90 years old. I always say, if you have to have an IV placed, it oughta be by someone who does it everyday. It sounds barbaric, but it's a really great job. I was a cancer nurse for 22 years before that. Doing this the last 6 years has been a piece of cake, in comparison.

It's always the guys who are the wimps, though, about needles. Especially the ones covered in tattoos!

I love Ryo holding Dee's hand in front of the doctor. And hoping Dee won't say anything outrageous--does he ever say anything that isn't?!

Thanks for this sweet story, Brit--

your pal Moon

Hi Moon! I totally agree with you about the IV placing. I had major surgery a couple of years ago, and the most physical pain I experienced during my stay was the mutliple yowchy attempts made by two different nurses to put my IV needle in right at the beginning. I wish YOU had been there!

Oh, Dee, you sneaky bastard. No work for four days, AND officially required to spend at least part of those four days in bed. Well played, sir, well played indeed! XD

I also love how old-married-couple-y the two are here. Even the doctor ships them! ;)

Well, this is a very cool doctor!

Dee will spend the next few days in bed at Ryo's place, trying to get meals, massages and blowjobs. And succeeding at least some of the time.

Bikky is going to take some of the joy out of it for him, though.

HAHAHAHAHA! I was laughing the whole time! The doctor sounds just like my mom does with her patients. :P

Thanks for the welcome study break! Finals are killing me here... but only a few more days and then I'm off for a month! Hoorah!



Re: *Falls out of chair*

Neengy! I'm glad I could bring some laughter into the stress-world of your finals. I'll be very happy when you're freeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee for a month! Happy times are ahead. Hang in there.

(Deleted comment)
I hope all the pieces of Erin got returned to their proper places-- we wouldn't want you to end up on the cover of the National Enquirer!

I feel so honored that I managed to cause an Erin-explosion. Glad you enjoyed it.




I would have never guessed you'd--!!! Giih! Something like this! I am insanely sorry. I have just revived my internet and my location, although I guess it's useless to explain, but honestly, I've been away from LJ for 2 months and I come back to find this! Oh Brit, I think I'm going to cry a little now. THANK YOU! You're so wonderful I can't even.. asdfgh. ;___; Sorry for being such an ungrateful bitch. Had I guessed I'd find something like this I'd have obviously been here earlier. Oh Brit, Brit.

Oh, it's just realistic enough, you know! I was out of town and working in an internal med ward again (for a while, you know, still a year to complete my studies, next time I'm going there for just one week in March - oh and then afterwards, for a few weeks I was "too busy" having this guy over) and I know *I* did snap back at my patients like that at times. Oh, Brit. Brit, Brit, Brit, Brit.

Now I'm going back to read a lot of Justice June, as I can't begin to imagine how much of that I have missed.

I'm checking your updates now, and it seems you've been successful and busy as ever! I wish I had half of your stamina.

It wounds me to hear you call yourself a bitch, dear Twiyah, because I'm very sure you're not one.

I knew that for one reason or another you were away from LJ, otherwise I would have heard from you at some point. I was just thinking about you tonight, as a matter of fact, and wondering when you were going to pop up again. And pop up you did!

I'm so glad you enjoyed your birthday fic and saw some of yourself in it.

I hope you enjoy the updates, too. I think there have been at least two chapters of Justice in your absence, and I finally finished Suspended. I still have to finish Driven, though. And I really need to get back to my original work. I meant to do that in January, but it got too busy at work.

Oh, yes, I recall you switched jobs and I've got the image that you're under quite a bit of pressure and expectations, although I am sure you always manage it. Seriously though, your life seems busy. Still, you always sound like you quite enjoy it so! At least you've challenges, right?

Me, too, I guess some doctors grow indifferent about their failures, but I spent the autumn being real stressed and I cried a lot during my first weeks of work in December. I was, and am, always scared if I haven't noticed some myocardial infarctation and sent the patient, etc. Then one day I caught a rare and very acutely life-threating condition, and the patient even survived. And that, in all it's simplicity, I guess, was it. I make mistakes, and most of 'em I probably never get to know, but I saw then that sometimes I'm also successful. Not, of course, yet experienced.

Earlier, I promised to work next summer in a small town's health care center, far from practically everything. Now I am not quite sure how I'll manage, and whether I'll drive here each weekend (500km one-way).. But I guess I'm going day by day and we'll see what happens. :)

Too cute! It's a good thing Ryo is patient or before the week is out he'll be trying to stab Dee himself.

Oh, he'll probably order Dee back to his own place after a couple of days if Dee is too much of a pain in the neck.

Still one of my favourite oneshots. It's so cute and funny! :3

Thanks! Maybe I should write another Fake one shot just to get back in Fake mode. I've been in total workaholic mode for months. And it's not by choice, sadly. I miss Justice! And sleeping. And the social life I used to enjoy.

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